


Things Girls Do

by skysedge



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, Friendship, Growing Up, Requited Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 21:12:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14777318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skysedge/pseuds/skysedge
Summary: “Do you just not like boys or something?”Two hours after her classmates ask, Lisa arranges her first date with a boy in the year above.She doesn’t really think much about why, she’s fifteen and this is just the sort of thing girls do. She’s already given up her nail art and most of her free time for band practice so she figures one date isn’t going to hurt, it’s a normal thing for a girl to do and that’s fine once in a while.  She doesn’t really think about why she doesn’t tell Yukina, either.





	Things Girls Do

_“Do you just not like boys or something?”_

_“Yeah, are you a lesbian or what?”_

Two hours after her classmates ask, Lisa arranges her first date with a boy in the year above.

She doesn’t really think much about why, she’s fifteen and this is just the sort of thing girls do. She’s already given up her nail art and most of her free time for band practice so she figures one date isn’t going to hurt, it’s a normal thing for a girl to do and that’s fine once in a while.  She doesn’t really think about why she doesn’t tell Yukina, either.

 

When it happens, the date is… all right. Fun, even. They see a funny movie, Lisa eats a tasty ice-cream, and her date pays for everything which is good because she needs her money for new bass strings anyway. After they say goodnight she doesn’t write love notes in her journal and she doesn’t call her friends to gossip and she doesn’t think about arranging another one. In fact she forgets about it completely until Ako mentions it during practice.

_“Do you have a boyfriend now, Lisa-nee?”_

She laughs. She can’t help it. The idea is so absurd and she can’t understand why everyone is looking at her like this is A Big Thing.

_“Of course not. I just went on one date.”_

Ako and Rinko are sweet and want to know if she likes him. Sayo ignores it completely. Everything seems fine until Yukina looks her right in the eye, her expression unreadable.

_“Are you even taking this band seriously?”_

It hurts. Lisa knows Yukina doesn’t mean it, she knows her best friend is difficult and cold when she’s confused, she _knows_ that everything is okay but a cold guilt settles in her stomach and all she can do is apologise and ask if they’re ready to start the next song.

 

That night she texts Yukina a simple message that she knows won’t get a reply.

_I don’t like him, okay? I’m not interested in dating anyway._

She doesn’t really think much about why, or about how she tells lies to her classmates about how it had gone. The date was okay. _Just_ okay. It’s not important, even when the teasing starts again.

_“Are you sure you don’t hate boys?”_

She’s not sure. But Yukina smiles when she turns up early for practice the next day so everything is fine.

 

Sometimes her chest hurts when Yukina sings.

Sometimes she wishes Yukina would come watch her at dance class.

Sometimes she writes long texts late at night and erases them before she hits send.

Sometimes she wonders if she doesn’t like the boys that ask her out because they’re boys or because she knows Yukina wouldn’t approve.

Sometimes she knows that it’s both.

 

The wallpaper on her phone has been a photograph of the two of them for years and years.

It changes from time to time, updates, has gone from showing a pair of awkward teenagers to two confident young women with million dollar smiles. She takes the newest one after their largest ever live performance (for now), just off-stage with their arms around one another’s shoulders, Yukina’s cheeks flushed from singing, her eyes bright. Lisa doesn’t even check the picture until later, she’s too busy staring at her best friend.

_“Lisa? Did the picture come out okay?”_

Lisa pulls her into a tight embrace, phone already forgotten in her pocket. She doesn’t answer.

No matter how good the picture is, it won’t have captured even a fragment of Yukina’s beauty. A photo can’t show how soft her hair feels against Lisa’s cheek, how Lisa’s arms curve perfectly around her slender waist, how she smells faintly of rose perfume but also like stage-lights, like sound, like passion.

It’s here that it happens. With the distant roar of the crowd behind them, the final chords of their set ringing in her ears, with Ako chattering to Sayo about her cool posture and Rinko thanking the stage team for their work. The straps of her dress are rubbing her shoulders, her feet are aching, and Yukina’s hair sticks to her cheek as she holds her close. It’s here, surrounded by noise and life and this wonderful world they’ve created together, that Lisa realises she’s in love.

She doesn’t panic. She doesn’t cry. She steps away, still smiling, and Yukina smiles back with so much heart that Lisa can’t find any reason to be anything other than joyful.

 

_“Are you not interested in men?”_

It’s a friend of a friend that asks, for the first time in years. She’s just turned him down for the second time in as many weeks and is relieved when the question comes. Sitting at the bar in a cute cocktail dress, her hair in loose curls, her lips painted, looking for all the world like the kind of girl she had been told would make the boys cry, Lisa shakes her head.

_“No, I’m not.”_

_“Ah, you career girls. Too busy for love.”_

_“No. I’m just not interested in loving a man.”_

There’s a peace in saying it that she’s been missing all these years. She holds her head a little higher on the walk home, and doesn’t apologise to anyone.

 

Sometimes she arranges dates online or in clubs and spend a nice evening with a nice girl.

Sometimes she considers seeing them again but never does, there’s already a reason to not take it further.

Sometimes the girl just isn’t smart enough, or beautiful enough, or her eyes just don’t light up enough when she talks about what she loves.

Sometimes she tells her dates about Yukina and most of the time they understand without needing to be told.

Sometimes she still writes long messages that she’s not brave enough to send.

 

Ako’s the first of the band that finds out. She’s always been the most modern, open-minded to anything and anyone, and she’s also never been afraid of anything. At least this is how she seems to Lisa when she turns up at the bassist’s door with a horror movie and snacks, places a boot inside so she can’t be shut out and raises a finger.

_“Tell Yukina that you’re in love with her. I can’t take watching it any more!”_

They put the movie on but don’t watch it at all. Instead they talk quietly over the screaming in the background and Lisa tells her everything, right from the start. How she’s not sure she has it in her to love anyone else. How she can’t say a word because Yukina’s too important, too vital to everything she loves, and ruining that is unthinkable.

_“As if Yukina-san could ever stop talking to you.”_

And she knows Ako’s right, that all her fears can be reduced down to the fear of change, any change at all, that living with unrequited feelings is familiar, safer than taking the risk. It’s no longer about Yukina being a girl but more about Yukina being _Yukina,_ and everything that entails. Childhood friends, shared memories, their career, their dreams.

_“What if she doesn’t want to be my best friend anymore?”_

Ako laughs but it’s kind and she reaches out to dry tears Lisa hadn’t realised she was crying.

_“You know, I think your best friend is the best person to fall in love with. If you’re not already best friends then what’s the point?”_

Months later they’ll talk about Rinko, and Sayo, and dissect every facet of friendship and love that they can. For now, Ako lets Lisa cry it out and they both sleep on her couch until the alarm for practice sounds in the morning.

 

When it happens, the first kiss is… all right. Awkward. Clumsy. Lisa means to explain everything first, to ask for permission, but as soon as she starts to talk Yukina is smiling in a gentle, hopeful, _knowing_ way and Lisa can’t help it, just takes her cheeks in her hands and brings their lips together. Then there are delicate hands curling into the sleeves of her sweater, the taste of candy lipgloss, and a soft sigh that melts every single doubt she’s ever had.

_“I was waiting for you.”_

It’s such a Yukina thing to say that Lisa isn’t angry. They’ve both wasted so much time there’s no sense in letting any more slip by. She laughs, breathless, heart beating like a drum, and as Yukina leans up to kiss her on the cheek she smiles so widely that her face hurts.

_“Sorry for taking so long.”_

_“Mm. Don’t be. I’d have waited longer.”_

The second kiss is better. Softer. Slower. As if they have all the time in the world. They spend hours learning just the right ways to hold one another and to kiss and to laugh and how it’s possible to just stare into someone’s eyes and lose all track of time.

This is where she’s supposed to be.

Between kisses and murmured confessions, Lisa wishes she could go back in time and tell her teenage self that it’s going to be okay, that she doesn’t have to do anything because boys will like it or her friends say she has to. She wants to explain that girls can like girls without having to change anything about themselves, that she’s no less valid for wearing her hair long, that she doesn’t owe anyone anything at all. She wants to say that it’s okay to be scared and it’s okay to be uncertain but one day she’s going to be here and everything, everything is perfect.

 

Sometimes Yukina sings her to sleep.

Sometimes they dance around the kitchen after the dishes have been done.

Sometimes she writes long texts late at night so that Yukina has something to read when she wakes in the morning.

Sometimes she wonders if she’s dreaming.

And when she asks, Yukina makes sure to show her she’s not.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Uh, so this was a thing. I guess.


End file.
